Thursday Silliness

Posted: December 18, 2008 by lamayor in Obama, Silliness
"Sup, bitches!"

Mack Daddy Obama: He's a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman

By The Editors


A DLO Breaking News World Exclusive


WASHINGTON, DC – President-elect Barack Obama today announced his intent to deliver his highly anticipated Inaugural Address in the long lost language of Jive.

Chief of Staff-designate, Rahm Emanuel, confirmed that the once popular language based on ghetto street lingo and popularized in the 1970’s by blaxploitation films is due for a comeback. “Jive was pushed aside by the emergence of hip hop, rap, and Ebonics,” stated Emanuel. “A key aspect of President Obama’s education reform will be to institute a mandatory JSL (Jive as a Second Language) curriculum.  What better event is there than this historic Inaugural Address to lay down da smack and front fo’ real, yo?”

Critics worried that this may lead to a degradation of English and pose a barrier to assimilation, especially among newly arrived immigrants. However, Obama’s announcement was met with cheers by many. Léroy Washington, a South Side Chicago resident, was jubilant. “Finally, we gots us a mofo who ain’t no jive turkey and can lay it down, dig me? He gonna catch us up on da’ rebound and change dis bitch!”

In a stirring speech at his transition headquarters Obama stressed Jive as an integral part of the country’s shared national heritage. He went on to dismiss fears that a Jive talking President may be viewed poorly by the America’s adversaries.  “Y’all just hang loose, bloods. My Mama didn’t raise no dummy. I dug her rap, yo. We gon’ lay it down fo’ sho’ on January 20th. Ain’t no chump gon’ be up in da White House. Shit. Cutty can hang!  Fuck wit me an’ I stick my foot up yo’ ass!”

Obama also hinted that the entertainment at his Inaugural Ball will be a decidedly different affair from previous Presidential parties. “This ain’t gon’ be no honky party like befo’.  We’uns gon’ get down, dig?  My ‘Sweet Baadasss Funky Get Down’ [Inaugural Ball] gots it a Clinton.  An’ shut yo’ mouth – ain’t gon’ be no pasty ass Bill neitha.  George muthafuckin’ Clinton and P-funk gon’ play dis bitch.”

When the press conference ended, Obama strutted out and high-fived his advisors as the Marine Band played Clinton’s classic, “Atomic Dog”.  While exiting, he was overheard asking Commerce Secretary-designate, Bill Richardson, to “gimme some skin” and told Emanuel to “next time get some hot ass Fox News bitches up in heah”.

In related news, Obama named Richard Roundtree of Shaft fame and Foxy Brown‘s Pam Grier to be the co-marshalls at the Inaugural Parade.  He also declared January to be “Isaac Hayes Heritage Month”.

Submitted with a wink and a nod to The Onion – ed.

  1. velvethammer says:

    OMG To funny!

    The dude in that photo looks just like O.

  2. velvethammer says:

    No way. It is? Where on earth did you find it?
    Know any details of the ‘when’ and ‘where’ behind it?
    “Sup, bitches!”

  3. cacoop says:

    Came out of the Time Magazine Man of the Year spread.

  4. thirteen28 says:

    Hope he’s smoking some good shit!



    Uuuuuhhh … yeah, man



  5. Jaded says:

    That was funny and the funnier part is the picture that Time obviously had and just now felt it was appropriate to show….I am sure all his party pictures will come out now!

    I would love to see one with his crack pipe just to watch the idiots who voted for him who are above 25 have a heart attack!

  6. over 25 Obama voter says:

    Hello miserable sour grape Bush loving racists! You wont find any pictures of him with a crack pipe cuz hes not a crack head. he has already admitted to the mistakes of his past, and crack was not one of them. But since were on the subject of crack, did you know that it was during your very beloved Ronbo Reagan’s presidency that crack was introduced. Then again you were probably to young to remember. Check this wiki for the details of how the CIA smuggled massive amounts of cocaine into this country in order to fund illegal support of the contras.

    also were you aware that Bush’s sister-in-law Sharon Bush was quoted saying “Bush did coke at Camp David when his father was President, and not just once either.”
    Other acquaintances allege that as a 26-year-old National Guard, Bush “liked to sneak out back for a joint or into the bathroom for a line of cocaine”.

    At least Obama was honest about his past. The decade of corruption is over, the rethuglicans are out.. a new day is dawning…politics as usual is a thing of the past. Is Obama YOUR worst nighmare? Well then enjoy… now you know how we all felt the past eight years!

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